Initial interaction with your surrogate: What questions you should ask?

Initial interaction with your surrogate

When a couple or an individual decides to have a baby through surrogacy, they embark on a journey that is both exciting and stressful at the same time. That said, building a healthy relationship with the surrogate mother is a key part of the entire procedure. Moreover, the first interaction between the surrogate and the intended parents is important as it sets the course for the entire surrogacy journey.

That’s where it’s highly critical for the intended parents to ask the right questions from their surrogate. Now, it’s understood that the intended parents are experiencing this journey for the first time. So, it’s not that easy for them to shortlist the questions list just like that. Well, to make it easier for you, we hereby list down some of the most asked questions from the surrogate mothers during their first interaction with the intended parents.

Questions for the Initial interaction with your surrogate

What motivated you to become a surrogate?

Understanding her reasons for becoming a surrogate mother can give you a detailed insight into her motivations. That said, it could be her desire to help others, certain personal experiences, or even some financial reasons. Regardless, it’s important to ensure that she is coming with full willingness to this surrogacy journey.

Initial interaction with your surrogate

Moreover, it may be a case that the surrogate would not be fully comfortable discussing her part during the conversation. Hence, the intended parents must give that comfort space to her to put through her opinion in the best manner possible. Also, even if she is coming on board for some financial reasons, the intended parents must bring the right understanding forward.

Have you been a surrogate before and how was your experience?

In case the surrogate is taking on this role for the first time, this question stays null and void. Moreover, if she has carried a surrogacy pregnancy before, it will help the intended parents know about her experience (good or bad) during the procedure. This way, they can keep the right expectations with the surrogate mother while keeping everyone in a win-win situation.

What is your general health and lifestyle like?

Intended parents must know that healthy habits like a balanced diet can majorly impact the success of the surrogacy procedure. At the same time, any unhealthy habits like smoking, alcohol consumption and so on can bring on a negative impact.

During their interaction with the surrogate, intended parents can ask her these questions to ascertain the success of their surrogacy journey. This way, they can ensure that the right surrogate candidate is going to bear their child for the next few months. Besides, there will be fewer medical complications for the future child.


Have you had any complications in your past pregnancies?

Intended parents must know that understanding the medical history of the surrogate can help them prepare for potential risks or complications. So, they can ask the surrogate about any complications during her past pregnancies. Besides, they can ask her to furnish certain medical documents to back her claim. This way, they can ensure that their future child will be in a safe and risk-free biological environment.

How do your family and close friends feel about your decision to become a surrogate?

There may be a chance that the surrogate’s family is in favour or even against her decision to carry a pregnancy. That said, support from her immediate circle can make her journey more comfortable and stress-free. So, while having a conversation with her, the intended parents may ask her certain questions in this regard.

Moreover, if she is married, the questions could be asked about the support she is getting from her partner for her decision to become a surrogate.

What kind of expectations do you have from us during and after the pregnancy?

Intended parents must ask the surrogate about her expectations of them and the surrogacy journey. Whether it’s regular updates, visits, or a more distant relationship, it’s important to set expectations right from the start.

Besides, they must have an honest conversation with the surrogate on whether she is bearing the child for altruistic or commercial reasons.

How do you plan to explain this journey to your children or to your family?

There may be a chance that the surrogate is married and already has children. So, the intended parents may ask this question if she is comfortable responding to it. While family support matters, it would play a key role in the overall success of the surrogacy journey for the surrogate.

Have you discussed the legal aspects of surrogacy with a professional?

Surrogacy may also bring some legal aspects to be considered. This is where it’s essential for both parties to be informed and protected throughout the process. So, being an intended parent, you can ask the surrogate if she has any legal counsel or if has she consulted with one in the past. Besides, the surrogate needs to connect with a legal professional while drafting a contractual agreement. Hence, discussion related to the same is highly critical.

What are your expectations regarding the surrogacy cost or surrogate compensation?

Intended parents should know that transparent conversations about financial matters can prevent misunderstandings during the surrogacy procedure. So, they can simply ask the surrogate about her expectations in the same regard beforehand.  Even if she is partaking in an altruistic surrogacy program, she can talk about her needs related to the medical costs and expenses.

surrogate mother cost

Are you open to carrying multiple babies (like twins)?

Is the surrogate open to carrying multiple twins( if her surrogacy pregnancy confirms the same)? Asking such questions will help the intended parents know about her decision in any such situation. While multiple pregnancies aren’t confirmed until pregnancy detection, the conversation in the same regard can be done beforehand.

How do you feel about selective reduction or termination in case of medical reasons?

This sensitive topic needs to be discussed upfront to ensure both parties are on the same page. That said, the surrogacy procedure may present certain medical complications and risks all along. This is where it is highly important to talk with the surrogate about this prior.

Would you be comfortable with us being present during medical appointments or the birth?

Some intended parents want to be closely involved, while others prefer a bit of distance during the surrogacy process. That said, understanding the comfort level of the surrogate mother is crucial. Besides, the surrogate can talk about her expectations and demands in the same regard.

In case of any complications, what is your stance on medical decisions during the pregnancy?

It’s a tough question but necessary to ensure the health and safety of the surrogate and the baby. Moreover, the surrogate can either agree or disagree with her response. Either way, she can be honest and transparent while putting a response through.

How do you envision the handover process after birth?

Whether the surrogate prefers immediate separation or some time to recover before the handover, it’s essential to discuss and plan ahead. So, during their interaction with her, the intended parents can put through this question in the gentlest manner possible.

How comfortable are you in breastfeeding the child post-birth?

Breast milk has numerous health benefits and is highly recommended by doctors post-birth of the child. Moreover, many surrogates agree to breastfeed the surrogate child for some duration after birth. Still, having a detailed discussion with her in the same regard can ease the process for everyone.

Final words

The first interaction with a surrogate holds some big importance in the success of the surrogacy journey. That said, asking the right questions can help build trust while setting clear expectations between both parties. Moreover, it ensures that both parties are comfortable and on the same page all along the journey.

Remember, surrogacy is not just a contractual agreement but a deeply personal and emotional journey for everyone involved. That’s where approaching it with empathy, transparency, and understanding can make the process smoother and more fulfilling.

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